Australian Poems That Would Flummox A Farmer

An excerpt from AN AUSSIE CHRISSIE We had a marvellous Chrissie, we all had heaps of pressies, I bought Janelle's and Robbie's, and Timothy's and Dessie's: I bought Barbies for the missies, and teddies for the twinnies, And for the wife, who watches birds, a brand new pair of binnies. We invited lots of people; our neighbours June and Lockie, Jenny and her hubby came, and Sammy came from Rocky. Rellies came from everywhere, from Tassie and from Brissie, And Hughie came from Berri, along with Auntie Lizzie. We had Tommy, he's a chalkie, and Jimmy who's a chippie; And even nephew Barry, who's a greenie and a hippie! He's a little airy-fairy, but I don't think he's a druggie, Which I couldn't say for certain of our wharfie, Uncle Dougie! We got them all together to take a Chrissie pickie, And it wasn't all that simple, it was really very tricky! Some were feeling cranky, and some were drinking coldies, And some didn't want a pickie, especially the oldies! In the arvo we played footy, but Johnny did his hammy, And Tommy strained his quaddie, so we had a double whammy! So we took to playing cricket, and I had a go at Greggie, And I must have bowled like Warnie, for I got him with a leggie! The youngsters went off swimming, all those that brought their cossies; Went swimming in the river, but they couldn't stand the mossies. So they came back rather early, and some of them played tiggy, While a couple of the nephews stayed behind to have a ciggy...