Australian Poems That Would Captivate a Koala     WINNER Australian Bush Laureate Awards Original Verse Book of the Year 2006

LIONEL - THE LAVENDER RAM (Many people tell me stories, which I greatly appreciate, but most of them are not publishable, not funny, or too ordinary to be considered as a subject for a poem, or incorporated into a book such as this. This true story, however, I could not resist. Within an hour of Lionel’s owners telling me of this amorous ram, I had begun to write this poem. I hope you enjoy the story as much as I did when I first heard it.) He lived on a lavender farm, Did Lionel, the lavender ram; A place of beauty and charm, He’d been there since barely a lamb. The owners had many a ewe, Along with the lavender plants; And Lionel soon learnt what to do, Whenever they gave him the chance. So lambs would arrive in the spring, Most looking like Lionel, their dad. And Lionel strode round like a king, Thinking life is really not bad. But something then caused him to change, Which, later on, Lionel would rue. His conduct became rather strange Before any ewe he would woo. Now whether the lavender’s scent Had gone to his head, I can’t tell; But, to all, it seemed Lionel meant To attract the ewes with its smell! He’d vigorously massage his head In the lavender plants with some force; Which ruined many a lavender bed, For many were broken, or course. Once perfumed, he’d seek out the ewes, With a step that was eager and sure. Thinking none of them could refuse, His lavender-scented allure. It may have proved a success In improving his Romeo charm; But he made an incredible mess On the sweet little lavender farm! So the owners had to decide, How to deal with his troublesome ways; For, no matter how they had tried, Couldn’t stop his romantic displays! So the unthinkable now has occurred; I won’t tell you where poor Lionel went: And the new ram so I have heard, Is allergic to the lavender’s scent!