Australian Poems That Would Stun A Sheep

A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE They tell me farming’s healthy, and maybe you agree, But I can tell you squarely that it’s not been kind to me. Not that I’m complainin’, I’ve had a decent life, But farming’s caused me body a fair amount of strife. I suffer from arthritis, and rheumatism, too, And, every flamin’ winter, I catch the wretched flu; Me hips are not too handy, me right knee's pretty crook, High-tensile took me eye out so I’ve got a one-eyed look. Through carting hay and timber, I’ve jiggered up me back, And, every time I twist me neck, I hear a nasty crack; Me ticker’s not too bad, I guess, I have a murmur there, And, prob’ly due to worry, I’ve lost me head of hair. I’ve got a lot of spots and things through being in the sun, Each time I see the doctor he removes another one; Me left hand isn’t pretty, I crushed it years ago, And, when splitting up some fence-posts, I lost me second toe. I don’t get quite so breathless since I’ve given up the smokes, But I don’t think I’m as healthy as all you other folks, But still I work eight hours a day, thankful I’m alive, Which isn’t bad, I reckon, for a bloke who’s ninety-five!